If you’ve ever felt like your anxiety is running the show, spiraling after a partner doesn’t text back, doubting your worth in quiet moments, or overreacting and then feeling shame…you’re not alone.

And you’re not broken.

What’s often happening in those moments is this: Your inner child is scared.

This part of you was shaped by early experiences where love felt inconsistent or unsafe. Maybe a parent was emotionally unavailable. Maybe affection was offered one day and missing the next. Maybe your needs were minimized or dismissed.

Over time, that younger part of you internalized the belief:
“People leave. Love is conditional. I have to work hard to keep people close.”

Now, as an adult, this fearful part of you, the inner child, still flares up sometimes. It tries to protect you from rejection and abandonment.
You overthink.
You double-text.
You criticize to get reassurance.
You shrink or silence yourself to avoid being “too much.”

But here’s the shift….

You don’t build self-trust by silencing your inner child. 

You build it by becoming the safe, loving adult they never had.

When I Stopped Trying to “Fix” My Anxiety and Started Listening Instead

I remember a moment when this truth hit me hard. I was in the early stages of dating my now-wife. I had done the work. I had tools. I had awareness. I thought I was past all the anxious spiraling.

But then she went on vacation and didn’t text me back for a while. And that old panic I thought I had outgrown? It came roaring back.

My mind started spinning:
What if she’s pulling away? What if she’s losing interest? What if I’m too much and she’s finally figured it out?

I felt like a scared little kid again. Frantically searching for proof that I was still loved. And in that moment, instead of reacting, I tried something different.

I pulled up a picture of my younger self that I kept on my phone. I looked into his eyes, and for the first time, I saw him not as an enemy, not as a weakness, but as a little boy who was terrified of being abandoned. So I said, “I see you. I know you’re scared. But I’m here now. And I’m not going anywhere.”

That moment wasn’t about controlling the panic. It was about connecting with it.

And it was the beginning of building self-trust from the inside out.

Self-trust isn’t something you build all at once, and it doesn’t mean trying to “fix” or silence the anxious part of you.

Instead, it starts by forming a relationship with the part of you that gets triggered the most: your inner child.

This is the part of you that still carries the fear of abandonment, still worries it’s “too much,” and still believes it has to over-function or self-sabotage just to feel safe.

The REST Process is a practical way to start rebuilding trust with that inner child part of you, so it no longer has to take control or protect you in ways that push people away.

Here’s how it works:

R — Recognize & Validate
Notice when your inner child is flaring up. Pause and name what’s happening.

“I see that you’re afraid they’ll leave. That makes sense—Dad didn’t show up emotionally, and this feels just like that.”

Instead of pushing the feeling away, you acknowledge it with compassion.

E — Express Gratitude
Let this part of you know you see its’ good intentions.

“Thank you for trying to protect me. I know you’re scared, and you’re just trying to keep me safe.” - Even when the reaction is messy, the goal is protection. Showing gratitude helps soften your internal response. 

S — Show the Truth
Gently explain why those old ways of coping aren’t working anymore.

“When we lash out or overthink, it actually makes things worse. Let’s try something different.” - This is where you begin to reframe the narrative, offering your inner child new context and updated information.

T — Transform with a New Plan
Offer a secure, grounded alternative.

“Let’s take a deep breath and tell them how we feel instead of attacking or shutting down. I’ll guide us through this.” - This is the moment where you step into your role as the safe, loving adult you never had. You give your inner child what they’ve always needed: guidance, protection, comfort, and calm.

Every time you go through this process, you’re not just managing your anxiety. You’re proving to the most wounded part of you that they’re no longer alone.

You’re building trust. And eventually, that trust becomes your new foundation.

What you can take away from this post today:

Your inner child isn’t trying to sabotage you. They’re trying to protect you.
But it’s time to show them that you’re the safe, loving adult they can finally trust.

Every time you go through the REST Process, you’re not just calming anxiety.

You’re building trust in yourself.

3 Ways to Take This Deeper:

1. Free Seminar: Learn the 4 key steps to feel more secure, connected, and calm in your relationships. DOWNLOAD HERE
   

2. Join My Email List: Get occasional tips and tools to help you show up for your inner child, build self-trust and confidence, and stop abandoning yourself in relationships. JOIN HERE
   

3. Join Secure Self Club: A 120-day coaching and community experience to help you build rock-solid self-trust and inner calm. If you’re ready to break out of anxious patterns and step into a secure and confident connection…this is for you. JOIN HERE