It’s easy to know what you want and need when you’re single. But if, for some reason, as soon as someone special enters the picture, all of those needs and wants evaporate and you suddenly become someone you’re not proud of… you’re not alone. This is especially difficult if the person you’re with is telling you that you “need too much”...

No wonder you feel like hiding those needs!

Love can certainly do funny things to us. Some people ascend to cloud 9 and find themselves happier, lighter, and more engaged with life. But some of us find love to be a little bit more, well, challenging…

About half of the population finds love a lot more difficult, in fact! They either run for the hills, or cling like their life depends on it. (Which one are you?)

The good news is, whether you run or cling, you don’t have to do either. These impulses come from our attachment styles, which have a lot more flexibility than you think.

But first, let’s look at some of the uncomfortable ways the more clingy crowd might change when a new relationship starts to form.

Falling hard… AND FAST.

How soon is too soon to commit?

For the clingy crowd, there’s no answer to that question! Whether it’s a month, a week, or immediately upon finding the object of our affection, we’re IN. You might not even know their last name or birthday and you’re already planning your future together.

If you tend toward immediate commitment, it might not be as romantic as you think. It might, instead, be insecurity driving your bus right into Splitsville.

Because even if YOU’RE sure that everything will be great, it can feel overwhelming and even frightening to other people when you commit without knowing them well.

It might even give them the impression that you’d probably commit to ANYONE… no matter who they are.

With more security in yourself and in love, commitment typically happens more gradually. Ideally, we’re about to step back and assess compatibility and get to know someone slowly before we feel fully committed and “all-in.”

But that’s not the only problem you might have…

Reading too much into EVERYTHING they say/do.

One of the toughest parts of being in a relationship (for some of us) is hanging on their every word and overthinking everything they text or say.

Didn’t hear from them this morning? They’re obviously not interested anymore…

They mentioned a funny coworker? It’s clear that they’re in love with them…

That text response was one word? They must be sending the vibe that they’re angry with you…

If you’re wondering why everything they say (or don’t!) makes you feel anxious, you might also wonder why anyone even bothers with love!

For folks who are more secure in love, their partner doesn’t determine their mood. A little bit of distance or a bad mood aren’t dealbreakers or day-ruiners. They can remain steady or ask some clarifying questions or even provide calm support instead of devolving into an anxious puddle of:

“What’s wrong? Are you mad at me?”

Needing constant reassurance.

When you’re single, it’s easy to tell yourself that you’re beautiful or worthy or love. But when love is actually standing in front of you…? You might feel like you need to hear the words constantly or else the fears that your beloved is slipping away start to creep in.

What’s worse is that this reassurance doesn’t even seem to scratch the itch! Do they really mean it or are they just saying it because you asked them to? Are they secretly thinking about someone else even as they reassure you that you’re the one they want?

How does anyone feel comfortable in love!?

So what can I do about this!?

Thankfully, there’s actually a ton you can do to become the secure, confident YOU that you’ve always dreamed of.

Whether you're single and seeking a secure relationship or already partnered and looking to be more YOU in your relationship, our community will give you tools, guidance, and proven strategies to:

• Navigate conflict without spiraling

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• Understand your nervous system and stress triggers

• Cultivate a truly secure attachment

• Rebuild love after trust has been broken

Meet others working toward security in love: Join the Secure Self Club.

If you’re ready to stop living in fear and finally build a secure, confident mindset in 120 days, Secure Self Club is the next step.

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